Fear is the prison of the Heart.
Anon
One of the blogs I follow is Mennonite Girls Can Cook. For mother's day I requested a copy of their new cookbook and I actually got it!!! This morning the following poem and scripture verse was posted under Bread for the Journey.
The Red Sea Place
Have you come to the Red Sea place in your life,
Where in spite of all you can do,
There is no way out, there is no way back,
There is no other way but through?
Then wait on the Lord with a trust serene
Till the night of your fear is gone;
He will send the wind, He will heap the floods,
When He says to your soul, “Go on.”
And His hand will lead you through–clear through–
Ere the watery walls roll down,
No foe can reach you, no wave can touch,
No mightiest sea can drown;
The tossing billows may rear their crests,
Their foam at your feet may break,
But over their bed you shall walk dry shod
In the path that your Lord will make.
In the morning watch, ‘neath the lifted cloud
You shall see but the Lord alone,
When He leads you on from the place of the sea
To a land that you have not known;
And your fears shall pass as your foes have passed
You shall be no more afraid;
You shall sing His praise in a better place,
A place that His hand has made.
Annie Johnson Flint, 1866-1932
Christian Poet
Isaiah 43: 1-3 ~ ..."Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;"...
Boy o Boy did this resonate with me:
Then wait on the Lord with a trust serene
Till the night of your fear is gone;
He will send the wind, He will heap the floods,
When He says to your soul, “Go on.”
And His hand will lead you through–clear through–
Yesterday I completed the Diamond in the Rough Triathlon in Perryville Maryland. A 1 mile swim in the Susquehanna River, 27 mile bike around Perryville and through Port Deposit, and a 5 mile run. I started this crazy triathlon stuff last fall when my friend Rachel alerted me to a beginner's triathlon in Pasadena, Maryland. She signed up and so I did too. The biggest pull for me was that the registration fees went to help pay for recreation programs for children with special needs in the county. We are very fortunate to have a strong program for adults and children with special needs in this county. Children in this county get to PLAY. Not sit and watch or be score keeper. PLAY. So anything that will benefit this program I am all for it. Even if it means jumping in the Chesapeake Bay in October and swimming 500 meters. Can you say BURRRRRR!
Now lets get back to the whole jumping into the Chesapeake Bay and swimming thing. Heck, any body of water sans chlorine for that matter. Open water scares me. I mean, sweaty palms, mind racing, heart palpitating, legs shaking, cold nervousness in my veins, the taste of bile in my throat. I have been this way as long as I can remember. And here is the story of the memory I have that may have started it all.
When I was six years old my parents sent me to Camp Fire Camp for a week. Overnight. I have quite a few memories from that week, little snip its if you will. One of the memories involves being in a boat or kayak with a life preserver on and the kayak being flipped. I believe it was flipped purposely to teach us what to do in an emergency. I was 6 so I don't know exactly what happened. What I do know is that it scared me to and through my core. To the point that I screamed for an entire hour on vacation when my parents rented a row boat for our family. To the point that I would pretend to be sick when on our friends sail boat so no one asked me why I did not want to get in the water. To the point that I would not swim in Lake Tahoe because getting in gave me the heebie jeebies. To the point that I have avoided triathlons because I did not think I could do the swim.
So why did I suddenly feel that I would be able to overcome the irrational fear?
Bridgie
Bridgie came with a special spirit and a joyful soul. Yes, we could say this about lots of babies and people for that matter. I could say it about Erin and Eoin too. But Bridgie has a little something extra, like a chromosome. That extra chromosome is like a personal note from God that says "You can do it. You are not alone. You are loved". The night of Bridgies' birth I came to my Red Sea Place. It was such a brief encounter, that it is hard to remember. I took one look at my little angel with her cocked head angled just so she could give me the "eye" ( if you have not seen this let me know!) and I knew I had to go through. Fear, yes there was fear.
I mean, sweaty palms, mind racing, heart palpitating, legs shaking, cold nervousness in my veins, the taste of bile in my throat.
And as fast as the fear came on the fear had left. But the fear was not only mine. It was Jerry's. It was my family and friends. Fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of health problems, social problems, learning problems, physical challenges. I did not fear these for I had come to my Red Sea Place. And the Lord was there. He said "Go on". And so I did. And so I will.
And so I still have fear for I am human. But I now have courage and faith. I am not afraid of the unknown. I want to challenge the unknown, one body of water at a time.
Yesterday I swam a mile in the Susquehanna River in 35 minutes. I mean really swam. Not the fake, head out of the water, strain your neck stuff I've been doing. Swam. Freestyle and breaststroke with my head IN THE WATER. Of course there were some pauses to get my bearings ( I tend to drift to the right, if you were wondering) but I was swimming!!! And I was thinking about my kids and how I don't want them to be afraid. Cautious, yes. Afraid, no. I was thinking about how Erin has taught herself to swim this summer, how Eoin is turning into a little person who is very kind, how Bridgie is the glue of our little family and how she is not afraid, and of Jerry who sacrifices so I can overcome my fears and challenge myself.
I prayed to God. I prayed as I walked down the metal steps into the water. I prayed as I looked up for the first buoy. I prayed when I started to panic at the furthest point out. I praised Him as I climbed back up the metal steps. Our family worshipped Him this morning.
In the morning watch, ‘neath the lifted cloud
You shall see but the Lord alone,
When He leads you on from the place of the sea
To a land that you have not known;
And your fears shall pass as your foes have passed
You shall be no more afraid;
You shall sing His praise in a better place,
A place that His hand has made.
During my hospital stay after Bridgie's birth, family and friends gathered to greet Bridgie just as they had with Erin and Eoin. Because of C-sections I get to stay on longer so inevitably Jerry will go home one of the nights to be with the kids. With Eoin, I stayed one nite alone, and to this day remember it vividly because I stayed awake the whole nite holding him, too afraid to fall asleep. This time I had a visitor, a roommate. My brother Tim came back around 9:30 pm after he had already been visiting. Curious, I said what are you doing here. Then I saw his bag and his Army blanket. He was there to stay. To keep watch, as any good soldier would do. It was then I knew for sure I was in ' a better place, A place that His hand has made'. And I slept. And Bridgie slept.
The Lord works in mysterious ways.
I will always have fears, but I am not afraid.
