Tear the roof off the mother, sucker...

The Funk

It probably started around the second week of December.  Slowly, ever so slowly creeping in when no one was looking.  Each day taking with it more and more energy, sucking the life right out of me.  Fortunately, I know this Funk.  I remember him as early as 6th or 7th grade.  He comes out whenever he runs out of fuel.  I could feel his onset and chose to ignore it hoping he would go away.  I do my best to keep him hidden but many can tell when he's around.  Unfortunately, he decided to rear his ugly head around Christmas this year.

Christmas was not so 'happy' for me this year for a myriad of reasons. The number one reason would be the Funk, then trying to stay away from the commercial created monster that is 'christmas', trying to hold firm in my belief that Jesus is the reason for the season, trying to let the kids get so excited about presents when deep in my heart I was screaming NO NO NO NO NO this is not what I want Christmas to be for our family. 

The build up, the countdown, the anxiety, the anticipation-- these are the things I am not good at.  It's too much pressure and honestly it is too much work to 'create' these things and ideas.  So, I have to take a long hard look at what is important.

Jesus, Jesus is what is important.  The birth of a savior.  A miracle.  This should be the focus and it will be.  We had an advent wreath and we lit the candles on Sunday and talked about Hope, Peace, Joy, and Love as much as you can with a 6 and 4 year old.  Thye loved the candles and blowing them out and being together.   The next step is to start talking about Presence and not presents. 

It is a process that will take place as our family grows and as I continue to be 'present' with my children everyday.  It's hard and taxing and annoying and overwhelming but worth it.

The Funk, or depression by it's clinical name, still lingers but he can't hold me down for long anymore.  I have too many tactics to slay him with.  And I have his worst enemy of all.  Love.  The love of a husband and three littles who love me.

So pardon me as I continue to "tear the roof off the mother..."