Embrace the Suck
I am not sure of the origins of said phrase and not really up for doing the digging to find out.
The Marines?
Chris McCormick uses it to describe the Ironman experience.
Cross Fit athletes use it, I don't know and well don't really care the origin.
What I do know is that when it comes to physical challenge and physical uncertainty in any type of endurance event I am more than willing, happy even to
EMBRACE THE SUCK
When faced with physical challenge and the need for physical perseverance I'd give myself an A+.
In the real world realm of family, kids, and life when faced with challenge and perseverance of the emotional type I'd give myself a D.
I can feel the suck, I can see the suck, I can hear the suck
And all I want to do is run away from the suck.
Anxiety, depression, fatigue, weariness, paralysis.
Physical symptoms of an emotional crisis.
I wish I was exaggerating and many will think I am.
I have this remarkable ability to see what is happening to me, to see how to change it, to see the error of my ways, to see the damage it causes.
And a remarkable inability to DO.
I've been down this road at least twice before. I know the signs and I can read the signs.
But adhering to the signs takes time.
Last Sunday I stood in my new kitchen, looking out my amazing new window, at the amazing back yard view. I knew what I should be feeling.
Gratitude, contentment, happiness.
All I felt was empty.
But I looked down into my hand at the full bottle of hope.
The translucent orange bottle with the white cap. The kid proof cap.
I pushed down and turned, removed the cap, and poured out a few of the small white and blue pills.
I filled a glass with water, I placed the small white and blue pill in my mouth, took a sip of water.
Swallowed.
Looked out that same kitchen window and saw the same view.
This time I did not feel so empty.
Medication is not the 'Answer'. But at certain times it is necessary.
I have often thought of those white and blue pills as my biggest weakness.
I now know those pills keep me from making my biggest mistakes.
Three years without them, two of them great.
A year of unending trying, persevering, struggling, and learning.
I am happy for the experience that I will no doubt revisit again but for now
I will continue to look out that kitchen window looking for gifts.
At times I will feel full at times I will feel empty but inevitably I will
Move beyond the suck.
I am not sure of the origins of said phrase and not really up for doing the digging to find out.
The Marines?
Chris McCormick uses it to describe the Ironman experience.
Cross Fit athletes use it, I don't know and well don't really care the origin.
What I do know is that when it comes to physical challenge and physical uncertainty in any type of endurance event I am more than willing, happy even to
EMBRACE THE SUCK
When faced with physical challenge and the need for physical perseverance I'd give myself an A+.
In the real world realm of family, kids, and life when faced with challenge and perseverance of the emotional type I'd give myself a D.
I can feel the suck, I can see the suck, I can hear the suck
And all I want to do is run away from the suck.
Anxiety, depression, fatigue, weariness, paralysis.
Physical symptoms of an emotional crisis.
I wish I was exaggerating and many will think I am.
I have this remarkable ability to see what is happening to me, to see how to change it, to see the error of my ways, to see the damage it causes.
And a remarkable inability to DO.
I've been down this road at least twice before. I know the signs and I can read the signs.
But adhering to the signs takes time.
Last Sunday I stood in my new kitchen, looking out my amazing new window, at the amazing back yard view. I knew what I should be feeling.
Gratitude, contentment, happiness.
All I felt was empty.
But I looked down into my hand at the full bottle of hope.
The translucent orange bottle with the white cap. The kid proof cap.
I pushed down and turned, removed the cap, and poured out a few of the small white and blue pills.
I filled a glass with water, I placed the small white and blue pill in my mouth, took a sip of water.
Swallowed.
Looked out that same kitchen window and saw the same view.
This time I did not feel so empty.
Medication is not the 'Answer'. But at certain times it is necessary.
I have often thought of those white and blue pills as my biggest weakness.
I now know those pills keep me from making my biggest mistakes.
Three years without them, two of them great.
A year of unending trying, persevering, struggling, and learning.
I am happy for the experience that I will no doubt revisit again but for now
I will continue to look out that kitchen window looking for gifts.
At times I will feel full at times I will feel empty but inevitably I will
Move beyond the suck.
I've been struggling with that empty feeling lately too. Here is to moving beyond the suck!
ReplyDeleteYou describe the feeling perfectly.
ReplyDeleteHi Cindy, I don't know how I came across your blog...but I did...and maybe for a reason! After reading this blog post, I want to share some information that may help you. As you know, we shared some similar struggles with depression. Amazingly, I have completely removed depression and anxiety from my life....With the removal of sugar! I know it sounds crazy, but sugar seems to be the road to all of these emotional issues. Also, your gut health. Start researching "Gut Flora"/"Gut Health"/"Leaky Gut" and how it affects your entire body. They say that your Gut is your 2nd brain. Through my health problems over the years, I can say with all of my heart that this is true. The Paleo diet, Gaps diet and Specific Carbohydrate Diets(Bone and meat broths,fermented cabbage, raw kefir and yogurt) have healed me in great ways both physically and mentally. When you have a few moments, look into these things....maybe it will bring you some new found hope. You will get through this because you are an amazingly strong woman. I hope that maybe I provided a new avenue for you to look into. I think of you often! ~Michele Waters (formerly Johnson)
ReplyDelete(((Hugs)))
ReplyDelete{{{ditto Crittle}}} You read Meriah, right? over at With a Little Moxie??? http://www.withalittlemoxie.com/2013/03/the-thing-about-mental-health.html
ReplyDelete