The Plan

September 29, 2012

2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike, 26.2 mile run

Since January I have had my eye on this prize, logging anywhere from 10-14 hours a week of training.

It took me until May to actually register.

10 weeks ago I started a 20 week Ironman plan and this week is week 9, 11 to go.

Weeks 13, 12, and 11 are called theme weeks.

Week 13 was bike week.

Week 12 was swim week.

And Week 11 is supposed to be run week.

Week 12, swim week, was tough on me mentally and culminated with a duathlon on Sunday.

Run 2, bike 26, Run 4.

I blasted through the first mile in 6:48.  I planned this to see what I could do relatively comfortably.  I have not seen a six as the first number on the watch in about 8 or 9 years.  I was glad about this but quickly realized I needed to reign it back in if I wanted to make it to the Run 4 mile part.

I finished 2nd in my age group for this race which was a nice surprise.  I was not overly fast on this day and definitely think I would have kept my goal pace if I had not blown it all that first mile.

Given my history of running, one would think the run part of the theme weeks would be no problem.

Physically, I could do all of it.  Mentally, it's another story.

This week calls for:

Monday: 90 minute bike

Tuesday: 90 minute run

Wednesday: 60 laps of swimming and 30 minutes of running

Thursday: 75 minutes of running and 48 laps of swimming

Friday: 60 minute run and 120 minute bike

Saturday:  27 laps of swimming

Sunday: 2.5 hours of running

So, by itself and on paper it does not look so bad to me.  It is everything before and surrounding the bright orange workouts on my calendar that are killing me.

First of all, I needed a recovery day after the Duathlon.  No big deal just scrap the 90 minute ride for the week.

No big deal except that I am a rule follower, a plan finisher, a highly anxious person.

So, I can 'plan' to skip that 90 minute bike all I want but it will sit in the crevices of my brain and eventually add doubt to my shoulders.

Second, is the National Down Syndrome Convention on Saturday and Sunday that someone is paying for me to go to.  Cannot skip this nor do I want to.  So what to do with that 2.5 hour run.  Now, the gears are turning, the doubts are taunting, and the anxiety mounts.

Third, add in the mental and physical exhaustion from the previous two weeks.

Four, add in the plantar fasciitis that is ever present and ready to flare from a week of hard core running.

Despite all of the stumbling blocks to avoid and work around, I was ready to jump back on the wagon yesterday by knocking out the 2.5 mile run last nite.

Bridgie, however, had another idea.  At nap time Bridgie began screaming and writhing in pain.  This is not altogether alarming around here as this is the scenario each time she has a bowel movement.

This time was different.  This time she just cried and cried and eventually fell asleep on my chest.  Each time she was moved she would awaken, startled, and start crying again and sweating profusely.  Ultimately, I spent the hours of 1pm-5pm holding her on my chest as she cried intermittently, sweating most of the time.  There was no fever but gave her tylenol just in case. 

So, from 1-5pm yesterday I sat in the recliner with Bridgie, trying to keep Eoin and Erin entertained with the remote.  They could both tell Bridgie was not well and were amazingly quiet and entertained themselves with quiet play for a while and then a show for a while.  Erin made chocolate milk and got pirate booty for snack.

For 4 hours I was STILL. STILL.  I cannot remember the last time I was STILL for so long during waking hours.

For the first hour, I was a wee bit annoyed thinking of all the things I 'needed' to be doing, all the things that were not getting done.  Thinking about all the water I was not drinking in preparation for my 2.5 hour run that nite.

By hour 2 I was nodding in and out of sleep as well.  I began letting go of laundry, dinner, toys, and the run.

By hour 3 I was praying for Bridgie to be comfortable and not to have something seriously wrong with her.

By hour 4, I was counting my blessings.  Two big kids who could be quiet and play on their own and one little who seemed to be less sweaty.

Jerry got home and found us in the recliner, changed, and took over.

About 20 minutes after his arrival Bridgie began to wake and cry and the screaming and sweating started again.  Only this time...she pooped.  And she pooped again and again.

Three diaper changes later she was back to her perky self.  

A random Ds fact.  People with Ds can have low muscle tone, which has nothing to do with muscle strength. Bridgie may or may not have low muscle tone in her digestive tract. Meaning the mind to muscle connection is disorganized causing her to 'not know how' to go.  Causing her to hold it in rather than let it out.  It is very exhausting for ALL of us.  However,  it is the worst for Bridge.  We have come a long way from upwards of 30 minute sessions to less than 30 second episodes.  I attribute this to her new mobility. With her new found mobility we have more frequent movements.  Three days in a row a new record!  

Yesterday, however, was an anomaly.

ALL of this was meant for me yesterday.  I was meant to take another day off to rest and more importantly to get my priorities in order.  

Family First.

There would not be a 2.5 hour run last nite.  There would be a trip to the pool for Erin and Eoin since they had been cooped up all day.  And more mommy and Bridgie time to recover. 

Bridgie eventually drank and devoured a banana and we took a stroll around the block and played with the gumballs stored in her little car.

The rule following, plan finishing, anxiety ridden me is still simmering under the surface but has been appeased by a higher power.

As for the plan, it is still there.

But, once again, I have come to realize and appreciate that there is only one plan.

His.

There will be some skipped mileage this week and that's okay.  The big important miles will get done.  And I will spend the measly miles on the important moments here at home and at the NDSC.  

Ironman is a dream of mine.  It is not something that you just do.  It is something to experience.  The ups the downs and the in betweens.

Kind of like raising kids.  There are ups and downs and in betweens.  

Ironman tests your will, your desire, your spirit.  You learn to love what you once hated or agonized over.  You see it as a whole and yet relish in the sum of it's parts.  You can't wait for one part to be over, yet miss it when it's gone.

In college I was meticulous about my running, never skipping anything and even adding to the plan.

While this certainly kept me out of trouble and in great shape it took it's mental toll.

In my late 20's I began to learn that there was something very valuable about rest and living in the moment. I stopped following 'plans' and stopped timing everything and started listening to my body.  It was then in my late 20's that I ran some of my best times.

After Erin was born I stopped wearing a watch all together, because really why did I need to know what time it was.  I did not feed on a schedule or make sure she was down for her nap at a specific time.  For once, I followed someone else's lead, hers.

So now I have been sucked back into the vortex of training and following a 'plan'.  Wearing a watch again and caring what it says.  And I am miserable.

The goal has been to FINISH the Ironman and my focus had been led astray.

Last year I was just happy to be out there, moving my body, strengthening my mind, and feeding my spirit.

So what has changed?

THE PLAN.

The plan has changed.

I am no longer following HIS plan, I have chosen one of man.

THE PLAN is still in my planner and I will review it each week looking for the main goals of the week.
I will no longer FOLLOW this plan.

I will listen to my body and make my own decisions and follow the only plan that matters.

HIS.

‘Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’Isaiah 41:10

Witness Wednesday

I'll fly away, Oh Glory 
I'll fly away; (in the morning) 
When I die, Hallelujah, by and by, 
I'll fly away (I'll fly away). 

Up until this week, this Alison Krauss-Gillian Welch cover of the hymn I'll fly away has been my favorite.

This week Erin has been attending VBS at CUMC with her Pastor Grandmother GiGi.  Growing up at CUMC, the music was always the best ministry to me.  Jerry and I were married at CUMC and had Stained Glass Bluegrass (one of a few praise bands there)  play during the ceremony.

So, on Monday when I walked into the narthex of the church with Bridgie and Eoin to pick up Erin, I immediately became breathless by the sound of children singing.  I got us situated so we could see Erin while the music director cued up the next song-- the hymn I'll fly away.

Oh, dear Lord, I was a mess by the first chorus.  So beautiful hearing all those little loves belting out the tune, on the first day of VBS no less.  Why does the sound of little voices singing about God's glory topple my heart? 

Because my adult heart and definitely my adult brain is full of so much noise that does not belong there.  Overwhelmed by responsibility, guilt, and fear of failure placed on us by society our hearts begin to harden with the overflow from our brain.

One verse of I'll fly away was enough to wash out all that extraneous gunk from my brain.  

God's greatest gift of love is alive and well.

Erin was so excited about her first day and ravenous for her CD.  We immediately put it in the CD player in the car and drove around until we had heard all of the songs.  When the disc player automatically switched to the next CD in the changer, I heard a resounding "NOOOOO, MORE USIC"  from the back seat.

Not from Erin, from Eoin.

So we drove around for another cycle of the disc.

Recently, I posed a question on a Christian FB page looking for materials to help children learn scripture.

Well, I found the answer for our family.

MUSIC.





Linked up with Sunny Patch Cottage for this post.
http://sunnypatchcottage.wordpress.com/2012/07/18/witness-wednesday/

Spaghetti SQUASH Pie

Linking up with Growing Home for Teach me Tuesdays



One of my favorite blogs is Mennonite girls can cook

I make and modify many of their recipes and it is where I found out about the Red Sea Place.

(read about that here http://brylfamily5.blogspot.com/2012/07/faith-and-disability.html)

Recently a recipe for Spaghetti Pie was posted and it looked yummy.

http://www.mennonitegirlscancook.ca/2012/06/spaghetti-pie.html

However, I am not much for pasta anymore and immediately thought I wonder if it will work with Spaghetti Squash instead of noodles.

So I tried it.

I cut my Squash in half and cooked it for an hour at 350.

Then I mixed up the following.

Small onion chopped, 6 oz of cherry tomatoes chopped, 10 oz of tomato paste, 1T of garlic powder, 1T of dried oregano, 1 small zucchini chopped.

I cooked the onion and zucchini in 1/2 T of olive oil before I added it to the mix.

I also added a couple splashes of water for mixing purposes. 

Using a fork I scraped the squash skin clean.

I added 2 eggs and whisked the squash and egg until coated.

Became a little frothy but cooked away.

I spread the squash in the bottom of a pie plate.

Layered with 3/4 cup of cheddar jack cheese.

Spread the tomato mixture on top and baked for 20 minutes at 350.

After 20 minutes I added a 1/4 cup of the cheddar jack to the top and baked for 5 more minutes.

I did not get an after picture because of these rascals and a swim workout that was looming!

Eoin said "egsthchseh, ew grossty",

Bridgie said ''mmmmmm, more please", in sign of course,

and Erin tried a bite of squash and zucchini separately of course and said 

"no, thank you"

And Jerry loved it.

I liked it too but will play around with the sauce so that it absorbs into some of the squash next time.

Was very filling after the swim too!

Underestimated.

Never Again.

Will I Underestimate.

The Power of Asking for Help.

Or Their Ability to Help,

To Learn,

To Get it Right,

And to Get it Done.

The Power of Accomplishment.

I tend to be 'somewhat' of a control and neat freak so the idea of them 'helping' me is overwhelming.  Lately, I have been so overwhelmed, exasperated, and down right grouchy about keeping up with the house that Erin said.  'Why can't we help you?'

Now there's a novel idea.  So my wheels started spinning and my mind kept rejecting saying 'no, you can do it yourself'.  But the mother's heart won over the control freaks brain and said 'what are you teaching them if you do it all?'  They want to help and they want a less stressed Mommy.

So, I let them clean the sliding glass doors, kitchen door, and front door.  And just look at them.  Erin was even signing 'I've been working on the railroad' while wiping, and Eoin added his own chore of killing the ants and spider by the slider.

Win, win.

So now if you come to my house and the glass on the doors is not shining you know who is slacking!

Faith and Disability

This post is part of a Disability summer blog hop, check out other posts by clicking on Spock!

http://www.withalittlemoxie.com/2012/07/summer-disability-blog-hop-faith-and-disability-prompt.html

Fear is the prison of the Heart.

Anon

Have you been to The Red Sea Place?  Amazingly, the Red Sea Place is different for everyone.  Bridgie's birth brought me to this place and God's love transcended it and brought me through.

The Red Sea Place

Have you come to the Red Sea place in your life,
Where in spite of all you can do,
There is no way out, there is no way back,
There is no other way but through?
Then wait on the Lord with a trust serene
Till the night of your fear is gone;
He will send the wind, He will heap the floods,
When He says to your soul, “Go on.”

And His hand will lead you through–clear through–
Ere the watery walls roll down,
No foe can reach you, no wave can touch,
No mightiest sea can drown;
The tossing billows may rear their crests,
Their foam at your feet may break,
But over their bed you shall walk dry shod
In the path that your Lord will make.

In the morning watch, ‘neath the lifted cloud
You shall see but the Lord alone,
When He leads you on from the place of the sea
To a land that you have not known;
And your fears shall pass as your foes have passed
You shall be no more afraid;
You shall sing His praise in a better place,
A place that His hand has made.

Annie Johnson Flint, 1866-1932
Christian Poet

Isaiah 43: 1-3 ~ ..."Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;"...

Boy oh Boy did this resonate with me:

Then wait on the Lord with a trust serene
Till the night of your fear is gone;
He will send the wind, He will heap the floods,
When He says to your soul, “Go on.”

And His hand will lead you through–clear through–

Bridgie

Bridgie came with a special spirit and a joyful soul. Yes, we could say this about lots of babies and people for that matter. I could say it about Erin and Eoin too. But Bridgie has a little something extra, like a chromosome. That extra chromosome is like a personal note from God that says "You can do it. You are not alone. You are loved". The night of Bridgies' birth I came to my Red Sea Place. It was such a brief encounter, that it is hard to remember. I took one look at my little angel with her cocked head angled just so she could give me the "eye" ( if you have not seen this let me know!) and I knew I had to go through. Fear, yes there was fear.

I mean, sweaty palms, mind racing, heart palpitating, legs shaking, cold nervousness in my veins, the taste of bile in my throat.

And as fast as the fear came on the fear had left. But the fear was not only mine. It was Jerry's. It was my family and friends. Fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of health problems, social problems, learning problems, physical challenges. I did not fear these for I had come to my Red Sea Place. And the Lord was there. He said "Go on". And so I did. And so I will.

And so I still have fear for I am human. But I now have courage and faith. I am not afraid of the unknown. I want to challenge the unknown. 

In the morning watch, ‘neath the lifted cloud
You shall see but the Lord alone,
When He leads you on from the place of the sea
To a land that you have not known;
And your fears shall pass as your foes have passed
You shall be no more afraid;
You shall sing His praise in a better place,
A place that His hand has made.

During my hospital stay after Bridgie's birth, family and friends gathered to greet Bridgie just as they had with Erin and Eoin. Because of C-sections I get to stay on longer so inevitably Jerry will go home one of the nights to be with the kids. With Eoin, I stayed one nite alone, and to this day remember it vividly because I stayed awake the whole nite holding him, too afraid to fall asleep. This time I had a visitor, a roommate. My brother Tim came back around 9:30 pm after he had already been visiting. Curious, I said what are you doing here. Then I saw his bag and his Army blanket. He was there to stay. To keep watch, as any good soldier would do. It was then I knew for sure I was in 'a better place, A place that His hand has made'. And I slept. And Bridgie slept.

The Lord works in mysterious ways.

I will always have fears, but I am not afraid.

A special little lady

Yesterday we attended our first event hosted by the Down syndrome Connection of Anne Arundel County.

It was a pool party held at a nearby pool and the kids were ecstatic to get to go to a new pool.

Bridgie paved the way, making new friends with long haired ladies and teens.

Fist bumping teenage boys

Swimming with two little ladies and one little man in the baby pool

Sharing pizza crust with another little lady her same age with the cutest pig tail braids I have ever seen on any 2 1/2 year old.

Mommy and Daddy got to see that there are people like us out there and to talk with other parents and some teenagers with Down syndrome.

Erin and Eoin got to eat as many cookies and cupcakes as they wanted and swim in a new pool and play in the largest baby pool they have ever seen.

A great event and one that will pull us back for more events.

The blessing of this day came at the end of the night when I was tucking Erin in for bed.

I asked if she had fun at the party.

Yes.

What was your favorite part?

The two little girls in the baby pool with Bridgie.

Oh, really? (insert, complete surprise here)

Yes.  There faces were so cute.  I loved them and I think they should come over for a playdate with Bridgie. 

They could even do a drop off and I could help you take care of them.

Why did you think their faces were so cute?

They were just so round and little, and their eyes were so pretty and they were so smiley waving bye bye, you know like this...

I wish Bridgie looked just like them.  Why doesn't she look just like them?

Well, because she looks just like me and you.  She has a little nose and chin like them but she is not as small as they are.

Oh, yeah, well, I wouldn't really want her to look like them because then she wouldn't be Bridgie.  And Bridgie is so cute too.

Did you see any of the older kids with Ds.?

Yes, but I don't want to talk about it.

(insert, my heart sinking here and my wheels spinning, ready to say why?!)

Well, It's just so complicated and they were all so different from each other and I am too tired to talk about them all.  Did you see them swimming?  And the one boy had an ipod touch.  And the one boy was holding the baby.  Did you see any Mommy's or adults with Ds?

No, I didn't.

Well, that's okay because Bridgie will be one and we will get to see her.

I am ready to go to sleep now.  I already have dreams in my head.

Bless you little one, sweet dreams.

This is the part of the journey that I often forget about.  The love of siblings and the learning that is taking place everyday, every instance.  Sure there are fights and annoyances and wishing to be an only child but at the end of the day there is love.

I love you Erin Kelly Bryl.  For everything about you and your unconditional ability to love.

 I love learning through your eyes and heart.

You bring beauty to our family.

You say it's your birthday....

Yup.

It's my birthday.

38.

My favorite memories of birthdays are of pool parties and eating crabs.

Over the years, things no longer become important on birthdays.

People and memories do.

For me seeing the kids get excited about my birthday makes me happy.

While, I can count my dear friends on one hand, this too makes me happy.

We all want our children to have life long friends and support.

For some, this is harder than for others based on stereotypes, differences, and ability levels.

For my birthday this year would you consider our friendship and consider supporting Best Buddies and the role it plays in developing and supporting friendship between the differently-abled.

Come out and see us tonite or tomorrow for our Bridgie's Brigade Yard Sale.

Buy, sell, or just say hi!!!

If you can't make it would you consider a small donation to Best Buddies in honor of friendship.

$1 - think of sharing a popsicle with your best friend

$3- think of sharing a cup of coffee with that same friend, 10 years later

$5- think of sharing a beer or a single Crab with that friend, 20 years later

Regardless of circumstance we can all do something.  It does not have to be money or getting together it can be a note, a hug, or best yet a prayer for that friend of yours!!!

Blessings come in all shapes, sizes, and sentiments.

"The Lord is good to me and so I thank the Lord for giving me the things I need, the sun, the rain, and the apple trees.  The Lord is good to me."

To donate to Best Buddies

http://www.dcchallenge2012.org/faf/search/searchTeamPart.asp?ievent=997266&lis=1&kntae997266=9199AD5CC3034C9990BFE952B5FD46B5&team=4942614