What's wrong with different?

Different is something we learn in middle school.

When we are our most vulnerable.

Our bodies are changing, we are becoming more adult and we feel

ALONE.

ALL of us went through it.  ALL of us transformed.

YET, we feel this ridiculous notion that we are the 

ONLY ONE.

Is it here that we learn to channel our own insecurities into picking on others?

Making fun of others?  Excluding the same kids we used to play with on the playground in 4th grade?

Is this human nature or a nurture issue?

I will concede that some of this is human nature but a large part of it is 

NURTURE or lack of nurture.

The culture of our homes and the culture of our communities sets the tone for how children and adolescents handle THE CHANGE.

Children are like little sponges absorbing everything we do, everything we say, and everything we don't say.

When we bully or use name calling, patronize, or ignore our kids they learn that this is the norm.

When we don't respect our children and make them a priority we lose an opportunity to do good for the world.

When we tell our children to 'deal with it', 'win at all costs', 'suck it up', 'stop being a baby', or 'that's your problem'  we begin the process of brushing them off and setting the stage of isolation.  "Well, if my parents don't care then I guess no one does".



I am reminded of this poem that I see each time I take a child to the dentist:

Children Learn What They Live 

If a child lives with criticism
he learns to condemn.

If a child lives with hostility
he learns to fight.

If a child lives with ridicule
he learns to be shy.

If a child lives with shame
he learns to feel guilty.

If a child lives with tolerance
he learns to be patient.

if a child lives with encouragement
he learns confidence.

If a child lives with praise
he learns to appreciate.

If a child lives with fairness
he learns justice.

If a child lives with security
he learns to have faith.

If a child lives with approval
he learns to like himself.

If a child lives with acceptance
and friendship he learns to
find love in the world. 


by Dorothy Law Nolte (1954). 


Now, I am not suggesting we coddle our children or solve all of their problems.

I am suggesting that we teach our children to be kind and to treat others with respect.

I want my children to be treated with respect and kindness.

Kindness does not mean being nice or even friendly.  Kindness means treating others with respect.  If someone needs help, you help, if someone is sad, you ask what's wrong, if someone is talking about the retarded girl, you either say "that's rude, her name is Bridgie" or you walk away from that person.

Caring about people as human beings first and not as a superlative leads to respect.

Think about how you talk in front of your kids, how you treat their problems, what you show them is a priority.  Respect your children and they will in turn become kind.

This message brought to you by a not so perfect mom who fails in this regard daily but is trying to do her best.